Still sitting, resisting old patterns

Photo by Alex Cristea on

I am still sitting in my discomfort. I have always been driven by my desire to know “God” and to have a strong spiritual direction. I also have a strong drive to know the truth. In my past that meant hours of research and delving into spiritual disciplines I was unfamiliar with trying to find God. I wanted to understand why people believed what they believed while trying to establish what I really believed. That has been a lifelong quest lasting actually 40 years.

Now that I can comfortably admit I am spiritually lost, that my search has led to a myriad of dead ends, I am at a stand still. I have basically proven what I don’t believe, but have yet to fully formulate what I do believe. What I believe and why and is there anyone to share that with?

I am resisting falling into my old pattern of finding a new place to look, doing more research and discovery, and it is hard for me, it is a well established pattern.

So I am not going to. I am finding some relief writing about sitting and waiting, for what I don’t know, maybe a new inspiration? I can’t see the forest for the trees, but I feel like there is a big mountain ahead.

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