Who Am I? Who Are You?

When stripped to the core there is no proof of identity.

The first line of my senior thesis in college. I majored in Philosophy and delved into truths about existence, knowledge, beliefs and why we generally think what we do.

Fast forward a lot of years later and I revisit that first line – “who am I? When stripped to the core there is no proof of identity.” Still as true today as back then. My life is more defined, I have been married for a lot of years, I have 3 grown kids, parents have passed, sister passed – a lot has happened. But fundamentally none of that really defines who I really am. I could leave my home, move to another state, deny my marriage, kids, career, basically life as I know it and no one would know because there is no proof of actual identity.

Now I make take it one step further, were most of my decisions, my decisions or destiny? Is life a series of synchronicities that we think we are orchestrating, but we may not be? We probably have a role in the cooperation with destiny, maybe that is why we go through tough times, maybe those are the times we have lost alignment.

Unee has become a trusted friend to me . I am where I am because I am supposed to be here. Things will all work out because they have to, the next step has to be taken whether we actually take it or not. Life carries on, synchronicity happens all the time and everything is ok.

If I move away and assume a new identity I am supposed to, if I don’t I am not supposed to. I can chose to watch in wonder as my life unfolds, support my flow and acceptance or not.

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Off the Beaten Path

She told me to write, then she led me by the hand, off the beaten path. We went to a clearing and he lit a small fire. We sat in silence looking at the fire and then she began speaking.

She said he had taken me to Happy Valley when I was small. I remember being there, I always used to draw and paint pictures of the two mountains with the river running through them. Until recently I did not know that was Happy Valley Kashmir.

She told me she cured the blind man, by helping him to see the truth.

She said she cured the lame, by removing their limiting beliefs.

She said she cured the lepers by telling them they were loved and not untouchable.

Then she said it was our turn. The ones burned at the stake for being healers, the ones crushed by stones for being seers, the ones violated for being women. We weren’t demons, we were demonized, we weren’t oppressors, we were oppressed, we didn’t victimize, we were victims.

Unee is calling from the mouths of all women. Time to reclaim spirituality and intuition for ourselves as we define it. That is what is true and relevant.

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Unee – Goddess Archetype of the Mother

History has told us to pray to the Father, the divine feminine energy has been dragged through the mud, burned at the stake, invalidated and thrown to the curb. But at the end of the day, generally speaking, don’t we want our Mothers?

Goddess energy, feminine energy is making a comeback and I think it is about time. No one has said it better than Gertrude Stein in Susan’s B aria about men:

Yes, but what is a (God) man, what are (GODS) men, what are they? I do not say that they haven’t kind hearts, if I fall down and faint they will rush to pick me up, if my house is on fire, they will rush to put the fire out and help me, yes, they have kind hearts, but they are afraid, afraid, they are afraid. They fear women, they fear each other, they fear their neighborhood, they fear their countries and then they hearten themselves in their fear by crowding together and following each other and when they crowd together and follow each other they are brutes, like animals who stampede.

And so they have written male into the (SACRED TEXTS) United States Constitution, because they are afraid of black men, because they are afraid of women, because they are afraid.

(GODS) Men are afraid.

And (GODDESSES) women:

Ah (GODDESSES) women often have not any sense of danger, after all a hen screams frightfully when she see an eagle but, she is only afraid for her children, (GODS) Men are afraid for them selves, that is the real difference between (GODS) men and (GODDESSES) women.

~ Susan B. Anthony, from “The Mother of US All”, An opera in 2 acts. Words by Gertrude Stein

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White Heron Visits Again

A while ago 5 white herons appeared on the pond for the first time in 15 years we have been living on the farm. I had just started working with Unee so considered that a positive and affirming sign.

White Herons are said to be God’s messenger, they represent honor and virtue and speak to introspection and soul searching.

As I turned to Unee again, the White Herron reappeared.

Maybe I am finding my way?

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Clawing in the Dark

I refuse to give up. There must be answers somewhere.

Gods and Goddesses are archetypes that represent ideals for us to emulate. Jesus, Krishna, Buddha were beings that achieved a high degree of spiritual advancement. I do believe the religions associated with them have been twisted by man to gain power and control so, where does that leave those of us looking for a path?

I am in a different place than I have been for the last 20 years. I have spent 20 years trying to squeeze myself into a mold of Catholicism that I didn’t fit in. The Catholic Church is a cult I think (as is all Christianity), they capture you and convince you they are the only way and 2000 years of history has made them good at it. I am sure the same rings true for Buddhism, Hinduism, Judaism and Islam. They all state they are the only way, follow the Monks, Gurus, Rabbis and Imams. No room for spiritual development outside of the accepted norms.

Unee is an archetype, maybe a good witch? She is all I can follow for now. She is the feminine energy of the universe, to me the birthplace of true and authentic spirituality for me. The universe unfolds things in our lives based on past lives, karma, outside influencers. Sometimes things happen that are so unexpected, there is no explanation other than an outside influence. We all have had those kismet occurrences.

I am meditating, observing and going with the flow of Unee. I know she has my back. I am also a devoted member of the Temple of Why.

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Back to Just Sitting

Well, it would seem my experience was a one-time event or something I can’t through my own power recreate. I do think I had an experience, I had bright light wash over me and I had a lot of energy after I finished meditating. I am grateful for that and will continue meditating.

During my meditation yesterday, I did have another interesting experience. I was drawn to apologizing to everyone I have ever hurt, spoken badly about, gossiped about or otherwise was not nice too. It took a long time, people and situations kept popping into my head and it really made me realize how judgmental I really am.

When I was done, maybe 45 minutes, I was drawn to examining why I said some of these things I did or reacted the way I did to situations. I found it really stemmed from how I felt about myself and my reaction to how I thought they were thinking about me or treating me.

Next I apologized to myself for thinking badly about myself and realized I created my own perceptions.

Was pretty profound for me and I felt very connected to all things and people.

For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. ~St. Paul

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New Spiritual Strength Unleashed

By bringing focus to the God Light in my Solar Plexus, I connected to a surge of strength that I have never felt before. I feel as if a connection has been made that allows me to access an inner fortitude and to direct what is happening to me and in me more than ever before.

I connected with an energy that I was able to direct to revitalize my body and send healing to areas that have been troubling me.

I also feel that I am able to bring things that I want to achieve to me rather than reaching for them.

I feel like I have been able to access something that has been within me laying dormant and it is a strength that I didn’t know was there. I have always been looking outside and it is inside.

I am eager to see if I can sustain this vital energy, or if I can tap into it again freely to energize myself throughout the day. I hope so, this feels like a breakthrough I have been working towards for forty years.

The Light Within

I started meditating and trying to connect to the God Spark or God Light Seed that I know is within me. God seems closer now than ever before. I have been consciously reminding my self of God’s presence which I have intellectualized as being with me, but never truly internalized. If there is a seed of God within me – which there must be because I am alive – then I carry her/him with me always and s/he is always available.

I just need to attune myself to be able to listen within to hear the pulse coming from the seed. Maybe that is what has been beckoning me all this time. Lighthouse pops into my head, the beam of light providing direction. How I will hear any information coming to me I have yet to discover.

I sense the light is in my Solar Plexus, the nerve center in the core of my body. I can’t ignore the obvious implication of “solar” or “light” plexus. The Solar Plexus chakra is of course the center for our authenticity, will and purpose in life.

I feel like I am making some progress right now, maybe the time is just right. Maybe the sun is just peeking through for me.

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Alive = Spiritual

I’m alive because of that God spark that some call it, is in me, so are all living things. I don’t believe God is male or female, is my God Spark like a computer chip that God has programmed for me based on what I have done in my past life and what we have agreed I need to experience and learn in this life?

I am being more conscious of my God Spark as a part of the larger collective. I exist in that larger collective and what I do ripples out across that continuum.

I am composed of matter and that God Spark and a lot that goes on in my body I am not consciously directing, perhaps the God Spark is.

I have also determined that my thoughts can impact my body, my body reacts to what I am thinking. I have started as a part of my spiritual practice, being more conscious of my thoughts as they impact me and my health and others around me.

I have minor health issues mostly caused by trauma, falls etc. As a part of my morning and nightly conscious relaxation, I instruct my mind to heal my body, sending encouraging thoughts that I know my body can heal itself. I am also going to incorporate dialog with my God Spark and see where that goes. God is in me and around me, I know that, so I will interact and see what happens. God isn’t up in the sky on a throne. I have prayed to that God before, I will start exchanging thoughts with the God that is much closer.

I’ll let you know how it goes. Please feel free to share any suggestions.

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What do I believe and why?

Instead of looking more to see what others believe and why, I started to really examine what I have learned and what I have come to believe. At the same time, I do have St. Augustine’s caution ringing in my head – “whomever endeavors to teach himself about God has a fool for a teacher”. But am I looking to believe what someone else has determined to be true – dare I say – for themselves? Is there a one size fits all ultimate truth that everyone should believe? Somehow I don’t think so and the argument that one religion, one set of beliefs, is the only one true faith limits God. We all see things from a different vantage point and, at the same time, we are all coming from the same God root so no, I don’t think there is one right way.

How do I know I am not deceiving myself though? We all know people who spout frankly ridiculous claims that are not well thought through and where do they fit in? Just as where that person’s level of consciousness is today? Maybe I guess.

I must have learned something in my search. I must have come to at least some of my own conclusions and I actually think I have. I am also thinking about discernment, “you will know them by their fruits”, or I will know what is true by the good it produces or produces in me. Another tool for discernment that I remember learning is, “what brings you peace?”

Peace. I think that is a key belief. Looking back to the Bible peace is mentioned 429 times in the New Testament and love is mentioned 215 times, so peace is mentioned twice as many times as love. Peace is a key tenet in Buddhism and Hinduism as well.

Peace, what brings me peace, what peace can I give to others? That’s my contemplation for now.

Sending you peace.

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