Back to Just Sitting

Well, it would seem my experience was a one-time event or something I can’t through my own power recreate. I do think I had an experience, I had bright light wash over me and I had a lot of energy after I finished meditating. I am grateful for that and will continue meditating.

During my meditation yesterday, I did have another interesting experience. I was drawn to apologizing to everyone I have ever hurt, spoken badly about, gossiped about or otherwise was not nice too. It took a long time, people and situations kept popping into my head and it really made me realize how judgmental I really am.

When I was done, maybe 45 minutes, I was drawn to examining why I said some of these things I did or reacted the way I did to situations. I found it really stemmed from how I felt about myself and my reaction to how I thought they were thinking about me or treating me.

Next I apologized to myself for thinking badly about myself and realized I created my own perceptions.

Was pretty profound for me and I felt very connected to all things and people.

For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. ~St. Paul

Photo by James Wheeler on

What do I believe and why?

Instead of looking more to see what others believe and why, I started to really examine what I have learned and what I have come to believe. At the same time, I do have St. Augustine’s caution ringing in my head – “whomever endeavors to teach himself about God has a fool for a teacher”. But am I looking to believe what someone else has determined to be true – dare I say – for themselves? Is there a one size fits all ultimate truth that everyone should believe? Somehow I don’t think so and the argument that one religion, one set of beliefs, is the only one true faith limits God. We all see things from a different vantage point and, at the same time, we are all coming from the same God root so no, I don’t think there is one right way.

How do I know I am not deceiving myself though? We all know people who spout frankly ridiculous claims that are not well thought through and where do they fit in? Just as where that person’s level of consciousness is today? Maybe I guess.

I must have learned something in my search. I must have come to at least some of my own conclusions and I actually think I have. I am also thinking about discernment, “you will know them by their fruits”, or I will know what is true by the good it produces or produces in me. Another tool for discernment that I remember learning is, “what brings you peace?”

Peace. I think that is a key belief. Looking back to the Bible peace is mentioned 429 times in the New Testament and love is mentioned 215 times, so peace is mentioned twice as many times as love. Peace is a key tenet in Buddhism and Hinduism as well.

Peace, what brings me peace, what peace can I give to others? That’s my contemplation for now.

Sending you peace.

Photo by S Migaj on

Sitting in My Lostness

I am an Aries with an Aries rising so usually my first response to being lost (or any issue) is to drive to solve. There is a solution and I can find it, has always been my motto.

I have been searching for God for many years feeling like I tasted his/her presence on many occasions, but she/he always seemed to feel unreliable, certainly not summon-able, and fleeting. I do realize that God is ever present and as close as my breath, but those are words, I also realize that I can’t expect to “feel” God all of the time, but those too are just words.

I have decided to sit in my lostness and just sit. I am going back to the beginning – they say always go back to the basics if you have lost your game. There are no “basics” here, but I can go back to the beginning of my belief.

I didn’t grow up in a spiritual household, I knew “God” and “Jesus Christ” as swear words used in anger and frustration. Christmas was about Santa Claus and my mother’s depression at the holiday never quite meeting her expectations.

But somehow there was a connection. I majored in Philosophy in College and did my senior thesis on the existence of God. I decided God existed based of Descartes’ 6 Meditations. Badly recounting Meditation number 3 – we get the idea of the sun from the sun, and we get the idea of God from God, therefore God exists.

So I will start with, God exists, and sit there.

I chose this image because I don’t want to romanticize being lost spiritually. Just like being “lost” and not knowing which way to go or how to get out, being lost spiritually is not fun for me. I don’t like it and I don’t know where to go, nothing has worked or “stuck” in 30 years or more despite my endless trying and reading and researching. Am I trying too hard? Probably, so I am trying doing nothing. But I am not confident. I don’t think this is necessarily going to work either, but something has to eventually, doesn’t it?

Photo by Francesco Ungaro on

Spiritual Seeker is Lost

I have spent the better part of the last 30 years seeking the truth about spirituality. I’ve learned a lot and yet I still feel like I know nothing. I have been a devout Catholic delving into the mystical traditions while also understanding the rubrics of the faith, what the early fathers and councils have said and the likes of Thomas Merton and Teilhard de Chardin. I have been to evangelical revivals and watched people get slain in the spirit and speak in tongues, I have been to Buddhist temples and listened to Thich Nhat Hanh, I have read Paramahansa Yogananda from Autobiography of a Yogi to Journey to Self-Realization. I have even been to Wiccan and Druid meet ups.

Photo by Anastasiya Vragova on

I have had an active meditation practice for these 30 years which has been productive and I value the peace it has given me and yet…

I feel like what I am seeking is right in front of my nose and yet a million miles away.

Spiritual seeker, is lost.

Neutral joy

The ultimate answer lies in the state of neutral joy. This is the state where Unee resides, a constant recalculating to modify and adjust to attain balance and neutral joy. It is a state where we can be pleasantly surprised, hardly disappointed and live freely with limited expectations.

Here we become free of the preconceived and varied expectation surrounding what it means to “love” and to be “loved”. We can free ourselves of the unattainable expectation to love everyone- which is impossible.

We can live in a state of neutral joy where life becomes easy, we align with Unee and truly live.

Solstice Crystal Grid

Celebrate the Summer Solstice!

Carnelian brings fire and passion with its bold energy, empowering courage and protection

Sunstone clears energy and brings good luck. Sunstone instills happiness allowing our true nature to shine through happily. It helps to dissipate fearfulness, reduce stress and increase zest for life!

Red Jasper increases emotional stamina, self confidence, self-trust, provides emotional protection, balance and calm. Red Jasper carries a strong grounding vibration.

Citrine promotes motivation, activates creativity and self-expression. It also releases negative energy.

Rose Quartz reminds us to lead from the heart.

Clear Quartz amplifies all of the healing properties it is charged with.


solstice crystal grid


Crystal protection grid

We call on what nature provides to help us. In turbulent and uneasy times we can use crystals to form a shield of protection.

Below is a protection grid using snowflake obsidian surrounded by clear quartz points and anchored in love by howlite and rose quartz.

Snowflake Obsidian removes negativity from a space or person, clear quartz charged with its properties emphasizing them and projecting outward. Above is a heart of hematite to absorb negative energy, calm, and ground, rose quartz below restoring trust and harmony, howlite reducing tension and eliminating pain and stress.

crystal protection grid


Let Go of What You Think You Know

Times are different and looking back in time for answers only clouds the truth. Life is a synthesis of what is and what was, but what was still is with us. He said the kingdom of God is within, it was then and it is now. He said truth is found in a living grain of wheat then, as now, the living essence still lives. Why look back? Look within. The living water is still here, the air, the fire and the earth – all that he used to teach then – still here and that is where his teaching lives. The water of Baptism, the fire of Pentecost, the light of the spirit, the air of God’s breath all still here. There is no living truth in dogma frozen in time nor in rules he spoke out against, not then, not now.

He spoke of living water, birds in the air, flowers in the field existing in rules only nature applied. A flower doesn’t judge another flower, a raindrop doesn’t judge another raindrop and nor should we. We are but made of the same water, earth, air and light that creates all of these, consciousness more awake in some ways, less awake in others.

Start over – forget everything you know

Now they had to remember what he said, he said they had to start over. He never told them they had to believe what he was saying, he invited them to listen and said when they believed it was true they would understand it is true.

He came and planted seeds of change, new ways of thinking. He told them not to be afraid that everything would come to light in its own time.

He told them to let love govern their decisions. He said the old ways had to be challenged, he said heal people of their thoughts, help them see the light by shining the light on outdated modes of thinking. He said each generation would bring more light, but with the light the darkness would also darken.

Don’t miss the message, look deeply until you know. The truth will dawn and you will believe. He told them to expose the worldview to the light and begin again.

Just walk away, what you value is worthless, what you undervalue is precious. He told them, “you humble women will be believed only by those who want to believe, those who want to see, will see.”

vintage brown wooden door
Photo by Mikey Dabro on