{"id":1635,"date":"2021-05-04T14:17:03","date_gmt":"2021-05-04T14:17:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/templeofwhy.com\/?p=1635"},"modified":"2024-01-31T14:25:27","modified_gmt":"2024-01-31T14:25:27","slug":"sitting-in-my-lostness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/templeofwhy.com\/sitting-in-my-lostness\/","title":{"rendered":"Sitting in My Lostness"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
I am an Aries with an Aries rising so usually my first response to being lost (or any issue) is to drive to solve. There is a solution and I can find it, has always been my motto.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have been searching for God for many years feeling like I tasted his\/her presence on many occasions, but she\/he always seemed to feel unreliable, certainly not summon-able, and fleeting. I do realize that God is ever present and as close as my breath, but those are words, I also realize that I can’t expect to “feel” God all of the time, but those too are just words.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have decided to sit in my lostness and just sit. I am going back to the beginning – they say always go back to the basics if you have lost your game. There are no “basics” here, but I can go back to the beginning of my belief.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I didn’t grow up in a spiritual household, I knew “God” and “Jesus Christ” as swear words used in anger and frustration. Christmas was about Santa Claus and my mother’s depression at the holiday never quite meeting her expectations. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But somehow there was a connection. I majored in Philosophy in College and did my senior thesis on the existence of God. I decided God existed based of Descartes’ 6 Meditations<\/em><\/strong>. Badly recounting Meditation number 3 – we get the idea of the sun from the sun, and we get the idea of God from God, therefore God exists.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So I will start with, God exists, and sit there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I chose this image because I don’t want to romanticize being lost spiritually. Just like being “lost” and not knowing which way to go or how to get out, being lost spiritually is not fun for me. I don’t like it and I don’t know where to go, nothing has worked or “stuck” in 30 years or more despite my endless trying and reading and researching. Am I trying too hard? Probably, so I am trying doing nothing. But I am not confident. I don’t think this is necessarily going to work either, but something has to eventually, doesn’t it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n